26 September, 2002 - 9:50 a.m.

well, my bag's are packed and my thoughts are all a whirl before leaving tonight. several weeks ago I wasn't sure if I was going to make this trip anymore, but some of my friends pointed out that I would be terribly disappointed and disillusioned if one of my closest friends didn't show up to my wedding. so it's off to new york I go to bid farewell to my old chum of days past and say hello to her as she emerges as the second half of a lifetime committed relationship.

I'm not going to lie and say that I'm particularly pleased about this move that she's making. I mean, she's known the guy for what? a year and a half? and now she's making one of the biggest choices any human being has to make in their lifetime. if she's in love with the guy, then I'd be all for it. but I've read the emails, I've listened to her talk .. and I don't sense any real connection. she never speaks passionately about him, the way I imagine that people speak about one another when they're with the Right One.

But I think that my bitterness may really stem from the fact that she's going to be permanently gone now. Another person who's just flown the coop and left us all behind staring listlessly after her.

so in saying that ..

j-babe,

I hope all goes well on your special day. I hope it is just the first step to a lifetime worth of happiness with the man that you love.

may what we have ever said in the heat of the moment before be put aside, and know that despite my indifference sometimes to what goes on, I still care about you and I will genuinely make an effort to accept that when it comes to the crunch, you know what is best for you.

I'll see you in a little less than 48 hours!

- a -