08 June, 2004 - 2:14 a.m.

like the darkness that blurs your solid edges and plummets you into obscurity after a timed security light goes off, so did my faint glimmer of hope that one day my love for him would prevail.

they tell you that true love will defy all odds - but never said anything more about the pain and heartache that you would have to put up with in the meantime.

I want him to be happy .. but every piece of me that I had so carefully reconstructed .. that I had so painstakingly glued back together after the last time I saw him, just fell apart again when I heard the sincerity in his voice when he talked about how much he missed his new girl. about how much he was looking forward to being back with her again. about how little of his past he had missed whilst being away.

in an all-too-brief hug, an awkward half-wave, and the dying sound of car tyres on wet tarmac he was gone again.

eight months of waiting. sixty minutes of trivial conversation. no new lesson learnt.

god, I'm a fool.