03 February, 2003 - 11:11 a.m.

some friends called me up and invited me to join them at a nightclub that's a little out of the way on saturday night. being that it was already nearing midnight and I didn't have anything other than some other rather dicey plans, I said yes.

after ten minutes of having arrived and located the rest of the group, the strangest feeling started enveloping me. but the thing is, I don't recall it ever having been that strong before. okay, okay .. so everything's starting to sound completely vague atm, right? let me set the story straight.

I don't drink. I don't do drugs. I don't smoke. I don't swear (much) in public, and I *especially* don't condone it in family places. I'm not a plain, boring, staid, nun type .. but I've never felt the need to immerse myself in this drunken-mess-and-brawl culture that so many others seem to need to boost their moods on the weekend. but for some reason, as I was jostled back and forth between other inebriated people, I felt compelled to play the catch up game. you know, the one where you skull down five bourbon and cokes and do seven shooters all at once so that you can yell "HAH! I'M SOOO DRUNK!" whilst tottering around with arms flailing the air and grabbing everybody's ass.

.. this is all totally beside the point because I didn't do that in the end. but one of the points I'm trying to make is that it sucks that it has to be that way when I go out. I used to believe wholeheartedly in the "you don't need to get drunk or be tripping to have fun" thing, but when you're constantly surrounded by people who're your close friends and are .. it gets a little harder. it's almost like they're getting more experimental as they get older .. so every time we go out and the ante gets upped, I get left further behind.

bleh. I promised myself I'd go to the gym in my lunch break today, and my lunch break is upon me and if I don't get moving now, I won't have time to later, which means that the rest of this entry will have to be completed later. but basically the subject content boiled down to the choices that we make, the way we choose to make them, and the way we react to the results.

oh, and how I was like the diceman - only not.