20 February, 2004 - 7:38 p.m.

how is it possible to still feel the pain after so long has passed?

how is it possible that the tears still burn behind my eyes, and then flow so easily?

I thought I had accepted it .. moved on .. grown up. but the faint strains of a particular song. a walk down a once-so-familiar street. and those memories - those memories that won't leave no matter what I do, or what I tell myself.

I want it all to stop hurting. I want to stop feeling. I want to stop remembering.

I want to be strong, and I think I am. But strong isn't strong enough, and I don't know what to do.

God .. "true love" may be this wonderful feeling when you're right in the midst of it - but when you lose it .. you lose all sense of self. all sense of reason. hope springs eternal at any kind word, any affectionate gesture. and jealousy is your worst enemy living right inside your pocket.

.. I want to be the one denying.