13 October, 2006 - 8:16 p.m.

so apart from having spent the last 4 days slowly dying a miserable death from the flu, I've also got a rather long miserable death of a relationship to disect online, too.

it all started for me on a more personal level about a year ago. when, on a routine sunday afternoon visit with my mother, she pulled out a credit card bill belonging to my - as it turns out now, rather deviant? .. no .. devious? .. no .. downright dirty, damn-stupid excuse for a dad .. mm, better - father.

on it was detailed all expenditures ranging from the almost mundane florist's $285 flower arrangement delivered on valentine's day to the more upmarket, upscale, upwards of insane $1,200 luxury suite at a hotel on my father's birthday. and then scattered in amongst those things were your run of the mill lingerie sprees, miscellaneous hotel room bills in the city, extravagant dinners, and many many many shopping trips to which I would have loved to have been privy to. except apparently I lack the appeal as I am :

a) connected by direct family bloodline
b) not a homewrecking harlot of a woman, and
c) not content to just let my father run amok with my mother's feeling and use and abuse her for over two years before she's willing to face up to the reality that he isn't going to leave his disgusting philandering ways to come back and play "happy homes", all whilst having the audacity to continually blame mum for all of his misgivings and shortcomings and ill-guided ways.

puh-lease.

I don't know who I'm more mad at .. dad for being such a fucking inconsiderate bastard with no sign of comprehending how much damage he has done psychologically to his wife by being so conniving and gutless. or mum, for having kept this from me for over a year before letting me in the loop. and then for staying with him for an extra year in the hopes that he will change, and things will magically become better.

who lives in these sorts of deluded fairytale worlds anymore??

there's so much more to it than will obviously fit onto a one page rant. but it's been years, and although the tempest has been brewing for a while, it just took its time spewing forth onto here.

I needed a vent.

thank you.